How Megatron Stole Christmas
by crazomatic
Summary: Forget the Grinch! Megatron steals all the presents in Iaacon, even the Energon Beast. His spark is a lump of coal, that Megatron.


Every Autobot down in Iaacon liked Christmas a lot  
>But Megatron who lived just North in Kaon did not!<p>

Megatron hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!  
>Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.<p>

It could be, perhaps, that his fuses were too tight.  
>It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.<p>

But I think that the most likely reason of all  
>May have been that his spark was two sizes too small.<p>

But, whatever the reason, his spark or his fuse,  
>He stood there on Christmas Eve hating the muse.<p>

Staring down from his lair with a sour, Meggy frown,  
>At the warm lighted windows below in their town.<p>

For he knew every bot down in Iaacon beneath,  
>Was busy now hanging a Primus wreath.<p>

"And they're hanging their stockings," he snarled with a sneer.  
>"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"<p>

Then he growled, with his Megatron fingers nervously drumming,  
>"I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!<p>

For, tomorrow, I know all the Bot girls and boys,  
>Will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their toys!<p>

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!  
>There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!<p>

Then the Bots, young and old, will sit down to a feast.  
>And they'll feast! And they'll feast! And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!<p>

They'll feast on Bot pudding, and rare Bot energon beast,  
>Raw energon beast is a feast I can't stand in the least!<p>

And then they'll do something I hate most of all!  
>Every Bot down in Iaacon, the tall and the small,<p>

They'll stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.  
>They'll stand hand-in-hand, and those Bots will start singing!"<p>

"And they'll sing! And they'll sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!"  
>And the more Megatron thought of this Bot Christmas sing,<br>The more Megatron thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

Why for fifty-three cycles I've put up with it now!  
>I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?"<p>

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!  
>Megatron got a wonderful, awful idea!<p>

"I know just what to do!" Megatron laughed in his throat.  
>"I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat."<p>

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Meggy trick!  
>With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"<p>

"All I need is a reindeer." Then Megatron looked around.  
>But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.<p>

Did that stop Megatron? Hah! Megatron simply said,  
>"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"<p>

So he took Ravage, and he took some black thread.  
>And he tied a big horn on top of his head.<p>

Then he loaded some bags and some old empty sacks  
>On a ramshackle sleigh and he whistled for Ravage.<p>

Then Megatron said "Giddyap!" and the sleigh started down  
>Toward the homes where the Bots lay a-snooze in their town.<p>

All their windows were dark. No one knew he was there.  
>All the Bots were all dreaming sweet dreams without care<br>When he came to the first little house of the square.

"This is stop number one," the old Meggy Claus hissed,  
>As he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.<p>

Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch.  
>But if Santa could do it, then so could a snitch.<p>

He got stuck only once, for a minute or two.  
>Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue<p>

Where the little Autobot stockings hung all in a row.  
>"These stockings," he snarled, "are the first things to go!"<p>

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,  
>Around the whole room, and he took every present!<p>

Pop guns, pampoogas, pantookas, and drums!  
>Checkerboards, bizilbigs, popcorn, and plums!<p>

And he stuffed them in bags. Then Megatron, very nimbly,  
>Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney.<p>

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Bots' feast!  
>He took the Bot pudding! He took the energon beast!<p>

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.  
>Why, Megatron even took the last can of Bot hash!<p>

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.  
>"Now," grinned Megatron, "I will stuff up the tree!"<p>

As Megatron took the tree, as he started to shove,  
>He heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.<p>

He turned around fast, and he saw a small Bot!  
>Little Arcee-Lou Who, who was no more than two.<p>

She stared at Megatron and said, "Santy Claus, why,  
>Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?"<p>

But, you know, that old Megatron was so smart and so slick,  
>He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!<p>

"Why, my sweet little bot," the fake Santy Claus lied,  
>"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.<p>

So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.  
>I'll fix it up there, then I'll bring it back here."<p>

And his fib fooled the sparkling. Then he patted her head,  
>And he got her a drink, and he sent her to bed.<p>

And when Arcee-Lou Who was in bed with her cup,  
>He crupt to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!<p>

Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.  
>And the last thing he took was the log for their fire.<br>On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.

And the one speck of food that he left in the house  
>Was a crumb that was even too small for a petro-mouse.<p>

Then he did the same thing to the other Bots' houses,  
>Leaving crumbs much too small for the other Bots' mouses!<p>

It was quarter of dawn. All the Bots still a-bed,  
>All the Bots still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled,<p>

Packed it up with their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings,  
>Their snoof and their fuzzles, their tringlers and trappings!<p>

Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Deceptipit,  
>He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!<p>

"Pooh-pooh to the Bots!" he was deceptively humming.  
>"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!<p>

They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!  
>Their mouths will hang open a minute or two<br>Then the Bots down in Iaacon will all cry boo-hoo!

That's a noise," grinned Megatron, "that I simply must hear!"  
>He paused, and Megatron put a hand to his ear.<p>

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
>It started in low, then it started to grow.<p>

Fahoo forays, dahoo dorays  
>Welcome Christmas! Come this way<br>Fahoo forays, dahoo dorays  
>Welcome Christmas, Christmas Day<p>

Welcome, welcome, fahoo ramus  
>Welcome, welcome, dahoo damus<br>Christmas Day is in our grasp  
>So long as we have hands to clasp<p>

But this sound wasn't sad!  
>Why, this sound sounded glad!<p>

Every Bot down in Iaacon, the tall and the small,  
>Was singing without any presents at all!<p>

He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming! It came!  
>Somehow or other, it came just the same!<p>

And Megatron, with his steel feet ice-cold in the snow,  
>Stood puzzling and puzzling. "How could it be so?<p>

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!  
>It came without packages, boxes, or bags!"<p>

He puzzled and puzzed till his processor was sore.  
>Then Megatron thought of something he hadn't before.<p>

Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.  
>Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more!<p>

And what happened then? Well, in Iaacon they say  
>That Megatrons small spark grew three sizes that day!<p>

And then the true meaning of Christmas came through,  
>And Megatron found the strength of ten Decepticons, plus two!<p>

And now that his spark didn't feel quite so tight,  
>He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light<p>

With a smile to his soul, he descended Mount Deceptipit  
>Cheerily blowing "Autobots! Autobots!" on his trumpet.<p>

He road into Iaacon. He brought back their toys.  
>He brought back their floof to the Bot girls and boys.<p>

He brought back their snoof and their tringlers and fuzzles,  
>Brought back their pantookas, their dafflers and wuzzles.<p>

He brought everything back, all the food for the feast!  
>And he, he himself, Megatron carved the energon beast!<p>

Welcome Christmas. Bring your cheer,  
>Cheer to all Bots, far and near.<p>

Christmas Day is in our grasp  
>So long as we have hands to grasp.<p>

Christmas Day will always be  
>Just as long as we have we.<p>

Welcome Christmas while we stand  
>Heart to heart and hand in hand.<p>

-End


End file.
